MANNERS

Some parents today don't think it is necessary to teach their children manners. Maybe because their parents didn't teach them. If you want people to like your kids as much as you do, then start teaching them manners NOW. There is nothing worse than a kid walking into your house and opening up your refrigerator to see what you have to eat, and then just taking it. Back in the "old" days,having manners was a good thing. We said please and thank you, no thank you, and excuse me if someone was talking and you wanted to ask a question. It is easier to overlook an eight year old being rude than an eighteen year old.  I was taught manners from such an early age that it is automatic for me. If I am in a grocery aisle and have to pass someone who is selecting an item, I say excuse me if I pass in front of them. I also would never dream of asking for something if I was in someone else's house unless they offered it first. I see many parents today letting their kids tell them what to do instead of the other way around. There are very simple rules to teach your kids, and if they are corrected just a few times it will become part of who they are. Yes please, no thank you and excuse me are the most important. Your children need to know that when an adult asks them a question, they should answer them politely. They should never assume that they can act like they are in their own home when they are somewhere else. Let them know that they can't walk around someone else's house unless they are invited to do so. We were never allowed to have friends go upstairs. I am one of ten children and therefore we didn't have much privacy, so that was a firm rule. If I saw one of my friends putting their foot on the first step, I let them know it was off limits.  (Some of our friends thought we had dead bodies upstairs because they weren't allowed to go up.) Just remember to teach your children to be respectful when they are in someone else's house. When my children were young, some of my friends would come over with their toddlers. As soon as they would walk in the house, they would set them loose. They would let them go wherever they wanted to, and would never even check on them. By the time they would leave my house, it would take me all afternoon to put everything back where it belonged. The parent needs to have manners and pass it on to their kids. Along with manners is another very important thing to remember. If you curse, so will your kids. I have heard so many young children saying four letter words before they can even count. How sad is that. Is that what you want to teach your children? I hear parents cursing in front of their kids like it is an acceptable part of the English language. Then if the kid curses, they either laugh at them or punish them. Please teach your children that there is never a need to curse. It makes them seem less intelligent and it is very disrespectful to others around them. Just remember, if you teach your children manners at a young age, it will stick with them for life. You can't teach an old dog new tricks!

RESPONSIBILITY

Responsibility is another lesson you can start teaching your children at a very young age. You can start out with very small things, like having them put their toys away after playing with them. If they don't, then don't let them start their next activity until they do. It is not mean to make them make up their bed in the morning, it is teaching them that they have to do their part in your family to make things run smoothly. Even if they don't do a good job, let them do it anyway! I always felt like it was easier to just do things myself because it got done so much faster. Don't make that same mistake.This will give your children self esteem because they are taking responsibility for their own room and their possessions. It teaches them to take care of their toys so that they don't get broken. Another lesson of responsibility is to teach them to save. I always thought it was pointless to make them save ten dollars they got in a birthday card. Let them spend it and get what they want. WRONG. If they get ten dollars, have them save even one or two dollars out of it. It is the ACT of saving that you are teaching them. If it doesn't add up to alot, it doesn't matter. You are putting them in that mind set that you always save a portion of what you earn, regardless of how little it is. They will appreciate the value of money and get a sense of what it feels like to save and watch their money grow. Another lesson you can teach your children is the importance of getting to school and other activities on time. I used to think that if my son or daughter got to school late that it wouldn't really matter because they could make up the work. That is not the point at all! This is the ground work for teaching your children that it is extremely important to be punctual. This will carry over into adulthood, believe me. I wish I had made my kids responsible for getting to school on time everyday, because it would have prepared them more for the real world later on. If your kids sign up for a sport or club, make them follow through on the responsibility of joining. Once they become part of a team, they need to act like they are part of that team. If they want to go to a friend's birthday party instead of going to their club, teach them that they have a responsibility to a whole group of people. If everyone backed out at the last minute, they could have half a team! The importance of following through on their responsibilities are huge. You are forming and shaping your children's future traits, and they need your guidance along the way. When they take a library book out, make sure they know when it is due. If it's late, make them pay the late charge out of their piggy bank. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it isn't! It will mean a whole lot more if the change is coming out of their savings instead of yours. If they promise a friend they will have a play date with them, don't let them change their mind if they find a better offer. They need to learn that their word is very important and want people to believe them when they say something. This is all common sense but it is harder to follow through than not. Start early and it will get easier as they get older, because they will know the right thing to do.

SMOKING AND DRINKING

This is probably a very sore subject for many but I will tell you what I think. There is a time and place for everything, but with smoking there is never a time or place around your children. EVER. When I was young smoking was not recognized as a health hazard to the person smoking and for the people around them. Now it is a proven fact. Why then, do I see mothers and fathers smoking in their car with their precious children sitting beside them? They have no voice to tell them that the smoke is irritating their throats and that they keep getting "unexplained" ear infections. If you plan on having kids, do yourself and your children a favor and QUIT. Even if you go outside and smoke and come back in, you are going to smell like an ash tray. Do you want your child to smell smoke and immediately associate it with you? If you smoke, eventually your kids will think it is ok to smoke. All the lecturing in the world will not convince them that it is appropriate for you and not for them. After all, most kids want to be just like their Mom and Dad.  Drinking is another problem that needs to be addressed. I myself don't get the big attraction to alcohol and parties. If you are going to get together with your friends, don't you want to have a conversation that you will both remember? If you want to have a party where there is going to be alot of drinking, have an adult party. There should be no alcohol served if you are having a children's party. All adults should be on their best behavior around their children, and not compromise their position as the adult authority. No child should have to witness their parent having too much to drink. It will probably come back to haunt you someday. Most children whose parents drink think that it is acceptable and will probably follow suit. The smartest thing that you can do is to show your children that having fun at a party is to talk to good friends, laugh, and just be yourself. Drinking to have a good time is something you should never teach your children. Lead by example.

DONT JUST FEED YOUR KIDS WHAT YOU LIKE TO EAT

When I was a little girl I was a very picky eater. I was never willing to try new foods because I didn't like the way they looked or smelled. I was always the last one at the dinner table, because I had to eat what was on my plate. One particular food item that I could not stand was peas. I didn't like the way they looked or smelled, and I really didn't like the way they tasted. I would actually sit there and swallow them whole like a pill, just to get them off my plate. I am not saying that my mother didn't give us alternatives most of the time, but there were times when my father just wanted us to eat what was on our plate. So of course when I became a parent, I decided that I would never do that to my kids. I would never force them to eat something if they didn't want to try it, hence, another mistake I made. Since I didn't like broccoli or asparagus, I never served it to my children. I had a limited menu of things that I liked, and that is what I would serve. I remember one time when I was at the grocery store with two of my children, they were begging me for a bag of fresh spinach. Really? I didn't even know what it tasted like! I always gave them fresh vegetables (that I liked) but never stepped out of the box to try new things. One suggestion I would make is to have them try one new thing every week. Don't make them eat all of it, but at least make them take a taste. You might even try going to a buffet where it would be cheaper to try new things without spending money for something and then having to throw it out if they don't like it. I really regret the fact that I didn't do that. My grown son came over one day and started cooking asparagus and broccoli, and other foods that I had never made. I told him I was surprised and never realized that he would eat that. He told me that I never served it, so how would I know if he liked it or not? Do your children a favor and cook out of your comfort zone. You may even find out that you can enjoy new foods too!

VIDEO GAMES

We live in a world where technology is improving everyday. Unfortunately, some of it hinders our child's creativity and spontaneity. When I was young I went outside after breakfast, came in for lunch, and back outside until dinnertime. I made chocolate chip mud pies, dressed in my father's old shirts and put on plays for the neighborhood kids, and went to the park and rode bikes and floated popsicle sticks in the brook. I seldom watched television during the day, and in the evening our whole family would watch shows together. In this day and age, everywhere I go I see small children up to adults, playing hand held video games on the go, and playing video games on the computer, or PlayStation and X-box and whatever else is popular at the time. It blows my mind that these kids spend HOURS upon hours playing violent games that have them killing policemen, prostitutes, and random people that get in their way. It is so realistic looking, that after a while I can imagine that it is hard to tell reality from the game that they are playing. Our children are getting so conditioned to vulgarity and violence that it becomes second nature to them. When we were young and driving to my grandparents house, we didn't have hand held games to keep us quiet. My father would engage us in singing rounds, one starting and each one joining in after a round. I was always disappointed when we reached our destination because it was so much fun. Sometimes we would each pick a color car and count how many we could find while taking a long ride. My daughter and I used to play a game in the car which kept us occupied for a whole hour. I would say "I am going to the beach and I am bringing an apple." Then she would have to say apple plus something that started with a b, and so on. I would actually have a hard time concentrating on driving and remembering all the words, so I can't imagine people texting and driving. The point is, we thought of things to keep our kids busy without relying on video games. For some reason, some parents find it easier to put a controller in their kid's hand, rather than actually engage in conversation with them. When my son was young he really got into playing video games. The games were nothing like they were today, but very addictive just the same. I don't think they had memory cards for the games like they do now, or if they did I didn't buy them. He would spend hours "beating" different levels, and couldn't stop or pause it or he would have to start all over again. My younger son always thought it was funny to go over and switch the power off of his game, and I honestly thought my son would hurt him he would get so mad and crazy. It seems like kids are more agitated after they play for long periods of time. There has to be some kind of control on how much time your child plays these games, and more control over what games are suitable for them. I really don't think most parents even know what their kids are playing. They just know that they are quiet and out of their hair. BIG MISTAKE. I remember one time when my kids were little they were in a concert at their elementary school. My husband drove them all over earlier so I would have time to get ready in peace. Well, I picked up the controller to play Super Mario Brothers, because I had never played and wanted to see what the fascination was. I started playing and couldn't even get past the first level. I tried and tried and finally got to the next level. Before I knew it, the time had really gotten away from me. I almost missed the whole show! I know first hand how addictive video games can be, so you need to let your children know that they have time limits on how long they can play. We are stifling our kids creativity and imaginations like you can't believe. Make sure that you allow them that time to play outdoors, and you will be surprised at what games they can come up with on their own Who knows, maybe they will even make you a mud pie!

BEING PARENTS IS LIKE OWNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS

Before you start a family you need to sit down with your significant other and plan your "business". This is one situation where you need two presidents, not a president and a vice president. If you can sit down before you start your family and decide what both your goals and strategies are before you get started, it will be a whole lot easier on everyone. The biggest mistake you can make is to wait until a situation is at hand, and both parents are not in agreement. A child can spot that immediately, and play one parent against the other. (it worked really well for my kids) Have some ground rules in place before you have to start disciplining your children, and then if something comes up that you hadn't planned on, have a meeting and decide what you want to do TOGETHER as a TEAM. Your children must understand that you make all of your decisions together, and that they cannot go back and forth until they get the answer that they want. I will give you an example on why you need teamwork. My husband asked my son to take out the garbage. He answered "In a minute, wait until I die!" He was playing a video game and didn't want to lose what he had been doing for the past hour. My husband tells him that he wants him to do it NOW, and when my son keeps on playing, my husband loses his patience and tells him he is grounded. When my son replies that he is almost done, he is then grounded for one week, then two weeks, and then it becomes a month! You must never discipline your child in anger or frustration, because then your rules become unfair and meaningless. When you have a situation like this, step back and think about what you want to do before you speak. Of course, I was not about to have my son be grounded for a week because of that, so both of us are in a compromised situation. This forms a very weak link in our parenting, and so it goes on and on. Take it from me, even if you have to hold off on the punishment, it is worth it. Go in a room when you are cooled off, and talk together about what is a fair punishment. On the other hand, my husband would say the same thing to my daughter. He would ask her to take out the garbage. She would reply "OK!" and then never do it. My son would be grounded even though he eventually took out the garbage, and my daughter would never take out the garbage, and have no punishment because she responded positively . If you want your family to be successful and happy, please be a team player. I can tell the difference even in my own brother's and sister's families. The ones who parent together have happy, respectful children. They feel secure in knowing that their parents work as a team, and not against each other. Believe me, it really does work!

GOD AND FAITH

Another mistake I did not make was leaving God and Faith out of my parental teachings. Every child needs some kind of spiritual guidance while they are growing up. Many parents today think that they don't want to "force" their religious beliefs on their children, and that they can make up their own minds when they are adults. That is such a mistake that many people make and I will tell you why. We are all here because of a higher power. I believe it is God. Whatever or whoever you believe put you here, pass it on to your children. Give them something to hold onto as they grow up. We all need hope, even when we are little. Children need to know that they have to be held accountable for their actions, and if they do something immoral or wrong, that there are consequences to what they are doing. They also need to know that they are loved unconditionally by Someone and no matter what mistakes they make, they are no less loved. I took my children to be baptized, for their First Holy Communion, and for their Confirmation. I am not sure that they were ready at age seven to understand the complete meaning of receiving The Holy Sacrament, or were ready to confirm their religion at age fourteen. But what I am sure of is that I gave them a structured religion that I believe in, and that they can branch out from there and find their own way. There were times when I was in church with my kids when they were young and they were so bad that I wanted to pull my hair out.  I am sure my mother and father felt the same way when they took all ten children to church with them. It is so much easier to take the easy way out and stay home, but if my parents hadn't instilled their religious beliefs in me when I was young, I am not sure what kind of a person I would be today. My religion has taught me to love God and to have faith and hope when it looks like all is lost. I am not saying that all of my siblings have the same beliefs that I have, but at least my parents gave us the opportunity to explore a religion when we were young. It gave me a sense of belonging, and it still does to this day. If you don't have your own religion, take your kids to different churches and explore the religions with them. When your child becomes a teenager, it is tougher than ever for them. If they had some kind of a spiritual connection, they would have something to fall back on when they felt lost. Not giving them anything is a big mistake.

NEVER TEACH YOUR CHILD TO BE PREJUDICED

This is one mistake that I did NOT make. I had the great example from my mother and father, and I handed it down to my children. Every human being on this earth has a purpose and was sent here by God. I don't care what color they are, how old they are, or what they look like. I have always taught my children from an early age to befriend the child in their class that had no one to sit with at lunch. If they were nice to them, then maybe others would follow suit. I have no patience for bullying and have never felt that it comes naturally. Somewhere along the line, these bullies must have witnessed their parents or siblings making fun of someone, or have been bullied themselves. You must teach your children to find the good in everyone they meet. Respect for each other is probably the single most important lesson you can teach your child. If adults had respect for each other, there would be no such thing as road rage and worse. If someone is different from you, that is actually a good thing. How boring would the world be if everyone had the same skin, eye and hair color, and wore the same clothes and all talked the same. Everyone is a unique individual and you will be doing your children a favor by encouraging them to be friends with all kinds of people. When they become adults, they will have a better understanding of different religions and cultures, and be open to different opinions. If you start with them when they are young, maybe our next generation would be more understanding of one another. What a great world this would be if everyone smiled at each other and excused little mistakes? Our children learn from example, so you can't just tell them, you need to show them through your actions. I have to say that I am proud of all my children. Each and every one of them will go out of their way to help someone, and not look for something in return. They all have their own individual style of being nice, and that is ok. The important thing is that I know I raised my children to love each other. Just remember, your children mimic you in many ways. Make sure you are always kind to everyone, and your children will follow your lead.

JUST SAY NO TO SLEEP OVERS

This is a subject that all new parents should pay close attention to. Once you have allowed your child to have a sleep over, you have set a precedent for all future siblings as well. Sleep overs should be against the law as far as I am concerned. Every child should sleep in their own bed at night. If you want to have a pajama party, let them wear their pajamas to your house and then get picked up at eleven o'clock. I will tell you why. If you let your son have a sleepover, be prepared to wear earplugs. They will never go to sleep, and will think that it is ok to eat anything and everything that has sugar in it. If you let your daughter have a friend sleep over, be prepared to be a peacemaker, psychiatrist, and event planner for the evening. Whenever my son had someone sleep over, it sounded like the roof was going to cave in. You would have thought that there were ten kids above my head. They always had a great time, but it would take me a few days to recuperate and put sofa pillows and breakable objects back in their proper place. When my daughter had someone sleep over, there was always some kind of drama I had to deal with. This is because she always wanted more than one girl to stay over at the same time. You would think that they would have a good time, but there was always that one girl who felt left out and would cry hysterically. My daughter would come get me, and I would have to go in her room and calm them all down, think of a game that they could all play at the same time, and offer advice on how they could get along better. It is exhausting. There was a woman on my bowling team who had three children. She said that they were not allowed to sleep at anyone's house, and no one was allowed to sleep at their house. She was firm with her no sleepover rule, and once again, her children knew that they shouldn't even bother asking her because they knew her answer. (refer back to Never Say Maybe) I thought she was such a mean mother. When my daughter Trish had a birthday sleepover which involved eight or nine girls, I figured there were enough girls to pair up and have fun. Little did I know that while I was sleeping downstairs, one of the girls thought that she was being ignored, and started walking home at five o'clock in the morning. All of the other little drama queens ran after her to try and get her back, all while I am thinking they are all upstairs sleeping. They really shouldn't call them sleepovers because I don't think that anyone really ever goes to sleep. It should be called STAY UP ALL NIGHT OVERS. Just say no to sleepovers.If you don't heed my advice, you have nobody to blame but yourselves. Don't say I didn't warn you!

THE KOOL AID MOM

I always prided myself on the fact that I was the "Kool Aid" mom. My house was always filled with my kids and their friends, and sometimes even their friend's friends. I was always making pancakes for breakfast, grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch, and home made chocolate chip cookies for dessert. There was always a fresh pitcher of lemonade or iced tea, (and sometimes even Kool Aid). I really didn't mind them having friends over because then I could keep a closer eye on them. (I was also sure that they ate lunch) The problem was, once I started offering the food, it never stopped. So once again I say to you, it is OK to be the Kool Aid mom, but once you are labeled, you are labeled for life. There were two kids that lived two houses away from me that played with my son and daughter. They would come over and run through the house, screaming and playing. I would have to send them outside sometimes, but the neighborhood kids would eventually knock on my door and ask to use MY bathroom. I would tell them that they should go home to use their bathroom, but they would tell me they were not allowed to. Apparently, while these kids were running like crazy in my house, their mother was home ALONE vacuuming and cleaning her bathrooms. They were told that once they came home, they had to remove their shoes and stay in so they wouldn't dirty the house. UNBELIEVABLE. So, of course, I would let them in to use my bathroom, get a drink, a band aide, and whatever else it was they needed so they didn't have to go home. When my son had his friends over after school, they would expect me to make grilled cheese sandwiches, followed by chocolate chip cookies, and some ice cream sandwiches. I really didn't mind doing it most of the time, in fact I was flattered. Looking back, I was a real jack ass. All the other mothers were home with their feet up watching their shows, knowing I was feeding and watching their kids for free. I probably went through a large package of cheese, a loaf of bread, and a gallon of milk daily. I'm sure my husband had no clue that he was feeding the whole neighborhood. When my kids had to bring something for a bake sale for school or scouts, everyone else brought in dunkin munchkins, but not me. I had to stay up all night making homemade cookies. The reason I was up all night was because my kids and their friends were eating them right off the trays while I made them. My son Jack had a very close friend who I made many a grilled cheese sandwich for. Just recently he came to visit us.(he is 27 years old now) After he greeted me and my husband, my son came over and whispered something to me. I didn't understand what he said, so I asked him to repeat it. He said his friend wanted to know if I could make him a grilled cheese sandwich for old times sake. So I happily made him two! Just remember, it is fine to be a Kool Aid mom, but once you have that label, you wear it proudly for life!

DON'T TAKE YOUR KIDS SHOPPING

When my first son was born I couldn't wait to take him to the mall. Like every new mother, I thought that he was the cutest baby in the world and that everyone felt the same way I did. I enjoyed dressing him up and showing him off. That is all fine and dandy when they are in a stroller and can't walk. Once the walking stage starts, no child is happy sitting in their stroller in the store unless they are munching on something sweet, or drinking a bottle. Even then, they tire of that quickly. What they want to do is run as fast as they can while you try and catch them as they weave in and out of people and racks of clothes. They want to hear the fear and frustration in your voice when you realize there is no way you are going to catch them without a fight. So, my next piece of advice is after your kids can walk, don't take them shopping. If you are going solely for the purpose of taking them shopping for something for them,then go ahead. Otherwise, find a family member or friend to watch them at home. Number one, you will finish your shopping two hours earlier than if you took them with you, and number two, you won't feel like you need a stiff drink and two Tylenol when you get home. When my oldest son John was two or three, I would take him grocery shopping with me. By the time I would get to the register and started emptying my shopping cart, I would find things in there that I had never selected. Even from the front seat of the cart, John would manage to throw in cereal, cookies, chips, ex lax, light bulbs, you name it, into my cart when I wasn't looking. I would honestly have thought it was someone else's cart that I had inadvertently picked up, except for the fact that John was in the cart! Then I had to unload the cart onto the counter, all while holding both of his hands before he threw in all the gum and candy which they put right at eye level for kids. ( I always wondered why they did that) I wonder how many kids have pocketed gum and candy while their parents weren't looking. There were times that I should have had four extra hands when I took John to the store with me. He even leaned over from the shopping cart one time and started hitting the keys on the register! Another time I took him into McDonald's to order hamburgers to go. While standing in a long lunchtime line, there was a dark skinned man behind me. I was holding John and trying to distract him, because he couldn't stay still for too long. He turned around and started staring at the man behind us. I was sweating bullets. I knew he was going to say something, but I didn't know what. He looked right at the man and said, "Why are you an Indian?"  That wasnt' as bad as I thought he would've said, but I still couldn't wait to get the heck out of there. I had my daughter Trish with me another time at the same grocery store, (I was probably there every day), and she was less active than John, so I left him home and took her. Once again, I was standing in the dreaded line when an extremely homely woman got in line behind us. She had whiskers that would have tickled your face if she got too close, and Trish was really eye balling her. The woman smiled at Trish and said hello to her and asked her what her name was. Before I could casually pull the cart away from the woman, Trish decided to answer her. All she said was, "You ugly!" All I could do was pretend like I didn't hear what she said, put my bags in the cart, and leave in a hurry! There are children who are fun to take shopping, and that was my son Jack. He was a real comedian, and always tried to make people laugh. He was afraid of getting lost, so he never left my side. If you are fortunate to have a child like him, then go ahead and take them. Then there was Jillian. I tried taking her shopping a few times, and I spent more time looking for her through all the hanging clothes, than I did shopping. I even tried the dreaded kid's leash, (well, at least it was pink) but had so many nasty looks that I couldn't bare to use it very often. So, poor Jill never saw the inside of a grocery store or mall after that until she was five. I was recently in a grocery store by myself, when I saw a very attractive young mother with her three small children. One was in the cart, and the two older ones were walking. The kids were loud, but the mother was even louder because she kept yelling at them. She past me and turned into the next aisle and I was thinking how grateful I was that it was her and not me shopping with three kids. Then I heard her say, "If you don't stop touching everything I am going to cut your fingers off!" So, save yourself the aggravation and the embarrassment, DON'T TAKE YOUR KIDS SHOPPING!

WHEN NOT TO SEEK YOUR PARENTS ADVICE

I stress the importance of listening to your parent's advice but I always went a little too far. I would never give my kids Doritos's or chips when they were little because I was afraid of the choking hazard. I would take off the fluffy part of the popcorn for them because I was afraid they would choke on the whole piece. Crazy as it seems, I would even peel the skin off of the grapes so as not to take a chance on them choking. As you can see, I had a great fear of having one of my children choke on their food. So for some unknown reason, I gave my son a bowl of spaghetti when he was around two years old. He was sitting in his high chair at my Mom's and we were having coffee while he ate his lunch. I turned to see why he was making so much noise while he was eating, and realized he was choking on his spaghetti. I looked to my mother for help since she had raised ten children, thinking we were in good hands. WRONG! She took one look at her grandson choking, opened the door to the basement, and ran two steps at a time away from the commotion. I was horrified. There was only one thing to do, so I reached in and started pulling strand upon strand of spaghetti out of his mouth. I never realized how much one little kid could get in their mouth at one time. When I was done, I opened the basement door and told my mother she could come up,and that it was taken care of. This is an example of there being an exception to every rule. There are times when you have to think on your own. I had another incident one time with my daughter when she was only a year old. I was taking her for a walk in her stroller and apparently forgot to strap her all the way in. She stood up in her stroller, and toppled out head first. The minute I picked her up she had a bump on her head the size of a golf ball. She was screaming and crying, and of course being a young mother, I went into a state of panic. Instead of calling 911, or putting her in the car and taking her to the emergency room, I called my father. He wasn't home my brother said, but was at a church carnival with my mother. So I put my daughter in the car and drove to the carnival which was several towns away. I parked the car and went frantically searching for my father, knowing he would know what to do. When I finally found him I did not get the comfort I was looking for. He couldn't believe that I would waste all that time looking for him, and not take her to be looked at. As far as I was concerned, I trusted him so much that he was my first choice. So, in an emergency, as much as I tell you to rely on your parents, don't in these situations. Get help from the nearest professional you can. How do you spell DUMB?

NEVER say MAYBE

I have to say that one of my biggest mistakes was saying NO too quickly, or using the worst five letter word in the English language, MAYBE. I have to say right off the bat that when your child asks you a question, they know exactly when to catch you off guard. You may be on the phone with your mother, or talking to the crossing guard outside. Their trick is to ask when you are not really paying attention and then they attack. Don't ever say NO right away, or MAYBE just to shut them up. Tell them you will think about it in a while and will give them your decision when you have made up your mind. I would say no right away, mostly because it was usually something I didn't want them to do.  But sometimes I wasn't paying attention because I was concentrating on what my mother was saying on the phone, or was involved deeply in my soap opera. Once you say no, I must tell you that the answer must remain no. Under no circumstances can you take back that two letter word. I am really not kidding. Start when your child first understands the word no. Trust me when I tell you that they understand alot earlier than I ever expected. When your young child grabs for the remote control, say no and mean it. Don't feel bad that you said no, and think how cute they look and how funny it is when they change the channels faster than your husband. You are setting the groundwork for later on in life. When that cute little baby becomes a teenager and asks for your car keys and you say no, he is going to know that you do mean no. He won't be able to bat his eyes at you and make that cute little face and change your mind. No means no. Obviously I did not practice what I am preaching now, and I made so much trouble for myself and my kids. I said no, then after lot of crying would break down and say yes. If I said maybe, they always knew they were closer to yes than if I just said no. It was a losing battle. Once you change that first no, there is no going back. My oldest son was one child that really didn't recognize no as part of the English language. One day when he was ten years old he asked me if he could go to his friends house. I said no, because I was going out and I wanted him to stay home. He was relentless and was still begging me as I was walking out of the house and getting in the car with my mother. He continued while I was warming up the car, and when I gave him a firm NO, he jumped on the hood of my car and pressed his face against the windshield pleading with me to let him go. I think that my children did not think I could ever say no. On the other hand, it seemed my youngest brother had learned from my mistakes. (at least I am hoping something good came out of my bad parenting) His young son came up to him and asked him if he could have an ice cream. My brother told him it was too close to dinner, so the answer was no. Do you know what my nephew did? He said OK, and ran off playing as happy as could be. He knew that no meant no, and that all the pleading in the world was not going to change his father's mind. I admire my brother for standing his ground through his parenting career, and I am taking full credit for his success.

Listen To Your Parents!

When I had my first child, he only weighed two pounds fourteen ounces. He was two and a half months premature, and came into the world with a resilience that he still has to this day. My son was a fighter, and was out of the hospital in a couple of months. The only problem was that he was the first grandchild. I am one of ten siblings, so everyone was very excited to have another baby around. My youngest brother was just thirteen, so my parents were having baby withdrawals. Everyone couldn't wait to get their hands on this four pound baby. I stayed at my parents house for the first months of his life because he had to be fed around the clock. My mother was more than happy to help me, and I was grateful for my parents help. My three younger brothers would stand guard around my son's crib when he would have visitors, and he was held constantly. This was going to be one spoiled baby. If he made even a squeak, he was out of the crib and into one of many arms. My father had warned me that this might not be a good thing, but I wanted this baby to be cuddled and loved as much as possible. After all, he did not have the luxury of staying where he was supposed to be so I figured this was what he needed. The problem was that this poor baby was extremely OVERSTIMULATED, and still is to this day! (sorry John) When John was just fifteen months old, his baby sister Trish was born. This was a very confusing time for him because he had been the center of attention for over a year. I am surprised he learned how to walk, because he was always being held. He took his first steps right before Trish was born, and had caught up to what he should be doing for his age. Now I had two children, and juggling my time was harder than ever. There were always toys everywhere, (I don't think I ever had to buy them, because someone was always coming over with gifts for both of them.) We were given drum sets, trains complete with tracks that went all over the living room, and games with pieces that I was constantly picking up. I wasn't the type of person that would clean up at the end of the day. I was always picking up toys and putting them away. My father told me that I should have John help me pick them up. Are you crazy? He is ONLY two years old! He isn't old enough to understand the concept of cleaning up! When he bit his sister in the head because she crawled over to one of his toys, I couldn't punish him! After all, he didn't understand that he was supposed to share. Remember this right now, before I go any further. It is NEVER too early to discipline your child. It doesn't have to be complicated, but just let them know you are the boss and still love them.  When your baby cries in their crib, let them cry for awhile. As long as they are fed and changed, it is ok to let them fuss. Obviously, if they cry too long, there could be something wrong, but you can usually tell. You will be doing your baby and yourself a very big favor if you let them learn how to comfort themselves. My youngest daughter Jillian was a preemie and I had her in bed with us every night. If she made even a peep,(which was about all that could come out of that little body) I would pick her up. The cradle was just a piece of furniture at the end of our bed. So when my husband came home late one night from an evening of bowling, he thought nothing of throwing his jacket across the cradle. Unfortunately, I had actually put her in it for a change. If for no other reason than that happening , keep your baby in their crib. You would be surprised what can get thrown in it if people think there is no baby in it. I cannot stress enough the importance of listening to advice that your parents will offer you. I tuned them out every time they would give me their humble opinion. I always took it the wrong way, thinking they thought that I couldn't do it myself. That was not the case, and is usually never the case. Your parents have something called "experience" and want to save you the trouble of making the same mistakes that they did. They are not your enemy, they are your friend. Too bad that once again, I had to learn the hard way, like everything else in life. So remember, LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS. They have your best interest at heart and are only there to help!

Intro

I have always talked about writing a book about advice on how not to raise your kids. The reason being is that I did so many things wrong, and could have had a much easier time of things if I did it right. I am not saying that my kids turned out bad, because they are all great children.  I just know that there is an easier way to raise your children, and end up with great results and actually enjoy parenting as you go. I will try to cover most of my mistakes, and offer the opposite advice of what I did. Hopefully it will give you some good laughs and we can all learn something along the way. I really hope that you will all feel free to comment and tell me your parenting stories as well. Here we go!