MANNERS

Some parents today don't think it is necessary to teach their children manners. Maybe because their parents didn't teach them. If you want people to like your kids as much as you do, then start teaching them manners NOW. There is nothing worse than a kid walking into your house and opening up your refrigerator to see what you have to eat, and then just taking it. Back in the "old" days,having manners was a good thing. We said please and thank you, no thank you, and excuse me if someone was talking and you wanted to ask a question. It is easier to overlook an eight year old being rude than an eighteen year old.  I was taught manners from such an early age that it is automatic for me. If I am in a grocery aisle and have to pass someone who is selecting an item, I say excuse me if I pass in front of them. I also would never dream of asking for something if I was in someone else's house unless they offered it first. I see many parents today letting their kids tell them what to do instead of the other way around. There are very simple rules to teach your kids, and if they are corrected just a few times it will become part of who they are. Yes please, no thank you and excuse me are the most important. Your children need to know that when an adult asks them a question, they should answer them politely. They should never assume that they can act like they are in their own home when they are somewhere else. Let them know that they can't walk around someone else's house unless they are invited to do so. We were never allowed to have friends go upstairs. I am one of ten children and therefore we didn't have much privacy, so that was a firm rule. If I saw one of my friends putting their foot on the first step, I let them know it was off limits.  (Some of our friends thought we had dead bodies upstairs because they weren't allowed to go up.) Just remember to teach your children to be respectful when they are in someone else's house. When my children were young, some of my friends would come over with their toddlers. As soon as they would walk in the house, they would set them loose. They would let them go wherever they wanted to, and would never even check on them. By the time they would leave my house, it would take me all afternoon to put everything back where it belonged. The parent needs to have manners and pass it on to their kids. Along with manners is another very important thing to remember. If you curse, so will your kids. I have heard so many young children saying four letter words before they can even count. How sad is that. Is that what you want to teach your children? I hear parents cursing in front of their kids like it is an acceptable part of the English language. Then if the kid curses, they either laugh at them or punish them. Please teach your children that there is never a need to curse. It makes them seem less intelligent and it is very disrespectful to others around them. Just remember, if you teach your children manners at a young age, it will stick with them for life. You can't teach an old dog new tricks!

RESPONSIBILITY

Responsibility is another lesson you can start teaching your children at a very young age. You can start out with very small things, like having them put their toys away after playing with them. If they don't, then don't let them start their next activity until they do. It is not mean to make them make up their bed in the morning, it is teaching them that they have to do their part in your family to make things run smoothly. Even if they don't do a good job, let them do it anyway! I always felt like it was easier to just do things myself because it got done so much faster. Don't make that same mistake.This will give your children self esteem because they are taking responsibility for their own room and their possessions. It teaches them to take care of their toys so that they don't get broken. Another lesson of responsibility is to teach them to save. I always thought it was pointless to make them save ten dollars they got in a birthday card. Let them spend it and get what they want. WRONG. If they get ten dollars, have them save even one or two dollars out of it. It is the ACT of saving that you are teaching them. If it doesn't add up to alot, it doesn't matter. You are putting them in that mind set that you always save a portion of what you earn, regardless of how little it is. They will appreciate the value of money and get a sense of what it feels like to save and watch their money grow. Another lesson you can teach your children is the importance of getting to school and other activities on time. I used to think that if my son or daughter got to school late that it wouldn't really matter because they could make up the work. That is not the point at all! This is the ground work for teaching your children that it is extremely important to be punctual. This will carry over into adulthood, believe me. I wish I had made my kids responsible for getting to school on time everyday, because it would have prepared them more for the real world later on. If your kids sign up for a sport or club, make them follow through on the responsibility of joining. Once they become part of a team, they need to act like they are part of that team. If they want to go to a friend's birthday party instead of going to their club, teach them that they have a responsibility to a whole group of people. If everyone backed out at the last minute, they could have half a team! The importance of following through on their responsibilities are huge. You are forming and shaping your children's future traits, and they need your guidance along the way. When they take a library book out, make sure they know when it is due. If it's late, make them pay the late charge out of their piggy bank. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it isn't! It will mean a whole lot more if the change is coming out of their savings instead of yours. If they promise a friend they will have a play date with them, don't let them change their mind if they find a better offer. They need to learn that their word is very important and want people to believe them when they say something. This is all common sense but it is harder to follow through than not. Start early and it will get easier as they get older, because they will know the right thing to do.

SMOKING AND DRINKING

This is probably a very sore subject for many but I will tell you what I think. There is a time and place for everything, but with smoking there is never a time or place around your children. EVER. When I was young smoking was not recognized as a health hazard to the person smoking and for the people around them. Now it is a proven fact. Why then, do I see mothers and fathers smoking in their car with their precious children sitting beside them? They have no voice to tell them that the smoke is irritating their throats and that they keep getting "unexplained" ear infections. If you plan on having kids, do yourself and your children a favor and QUIT. Even if you go outside and smoke and come back in, you are going to smell like an ash tray. Do you want your child to smell smoke and immediately associate it with you? If you smoke, eventually your kids will think it is ok to smoke. All the lecturing in the world will not convince them that it is appropriate for you and not for them. After all, most kids want to be just like their Mom and Dad.  Drinking is another problem that needs to be addressed. I myself don't get the big attraction to alcohol and parties. If you are going to get together with your friends, don't you want to have a conversation that you will both remember? If you want to have a party where there is going to be alot of drinking, have an adult party. There should be no alcohol served if you are having a children's party. All adults should be on their best behavior around their children, and not compromise their position as the adult authority. No child should have to witness their parent having too much to drink. It will probably come back to haunt you someday. Most children whose parents drink think that it is acceptable and will probably follow suit. The smartest thing that you can do is to show your children that having fun at a party is to talk to good friends, laugh, and just be yourself. Drinking to have a good time is something you should never teach your children. Lead by example.

DONT JUST FEED YOUR KIDS WHAT YOU LIKE TO EAT

When I was a little girl I was a very picky eater. I was never willing to try new foods because I didn't like the way they looked or smelled. I was always the last one at the dinner table, because I had to eat what was on my plate. One particular food item that I could not stand was peas. I didn't like the way they looked or smelled, and I really didn't like the way they tasted. I would actually sit there and swallow them whole like a pill, just to get them off my plate. I am not saying that my mother didn't give us alternatives most of the time, but there were times when my father just wanted us to eat what was on our plate. So of course when I became a parent, I decided that I would never do that to my kids. I would never force them to eat something if they didn't want to try it, hence, another mistake I made. Since I didn't like broccoli or asparagus, I never served it to my children. I had a limited menu of things that I liked, and that is what I would serve. I remember one time when I was at the grocery store with two of my children, they were begging me for a bag of fresh spinach. Really? I didn't even know what it tasted like! I always gave them fresh vegetables (that I liked) but never stepped out of the box to try new things. One suggestion I would make is to have them try one new thing every week. Don't make them eat all of it, but at least make them take a taste. You might even try going to a buffet where it would be cheaper to try new things without spending money for something and then having to throw it out if they don't like it. I really regret the fact that I didn't do that. My grown son came over one day and started cooking asparagus and broccoli, and other foods that I had never made. I told him I was surprised and never realized that he would eat that. He told me that I never served it, so how would I know if he liked it or not? Do your children a favor and cook out of your comfort zone. You may even find out that you can enjoy new foods too!

VIDEO GAMES

We live in a world where technology is improving everyday. Unfortunately, some of it hinders our child's creativity and spontaneity. When I was young I went outside after breakfast, came in for lunch, and back outside until dinnertime. I made chocolate chip mud pies, dressed in my father's old shirts and put on plays for the neighborhood kids, and went to the park and rode bikes and floated popsicle sticks in the brook. I seldom watched television during the day, and in the evening our whole family would watch shows together. In this day and age, everywhere I go I see small children up to adults, playing hand held video games on the go, and playing video games on the computer, or PlayStation and X-box and whatever else is popular at the time. It blows my mind that these kids spend HOURS upon hours playing violent games that have them killing policemen, prostitutes, and random people that get in their way. It is so realistic looking, that after a while I can imagine that it is hard to tell reality from the game that they are playing. Our children are getting so conditioned to vulgarity and violence that it becomes second nature to them. When we were young and driving to my grandparents house, we didn't have hand held games to keep us quiet. My father would engage us in singing rounds, one starting and each one joining in after a round. I was always disappointed when we reached our destination because it was so much fun. Sometimes we would each pick a color car and count how many we could find while taking a long ride. My daughter and I used to play a game in the car which kept us occupied for a whole hour. I would say "I am going to the beach and I am bringing an apple." Then she would have to say apple plus something that started with a b, and so on. I would actually have a hard time concentrating on driving and remembering all the words, so I can't imagine people texting and driving. The point is, we thought of things to keep our kids busy without relying on video games. For some reason, some parents find it easier to put a controller in their kid's hand, rather than actually engage in conversation with them. When my son was young he really got into playing video games. The games were nothing like they were today, but very addictive just the same. I don't think they had memory cards for the games like they do now, or if they did I didn't buy them. He would spend hours "beating" different levels, and couldn't stop or pause it or he would have to start all over again. My younger son always thought it was funny to go over and switch the power off of his game, and I honestly thought my son would hurt him he would get so mad and crazy. It seems like kids are more agitated after they play for long periods of time. There has to be some kind of control on how much time your child plays these games, and more control over what games are suitable for them. I really don't think most parents even know what their kids are playing. They just know that they are quiet and out of their hair. BIG MISTAKE. I remember one time when my kids were little they were in a concert at their elementary school. My husband drove them all over earlier so I would have time to get ready in peace. Well, I picked up the controller to play Super Mario Brothers, because I had never played and wanted to see what the fascination was. I started playing and couldn't even get past the first level. I tried and tried and finally got to the next level. Before I knew it, the time had really gotten away from me. I almost missed the whole show! I know first hand how addictive video games can be, so you need to let your children know that they have time limits on how long they can play. We are stifling our kids creativity and imaginations like you can't believe. Make sure that you allow them that time to play outdoors, and you will be surprised at what games they can come up with on their own Who knows, maybe they will even make you a mud pie!

BEING PARENTS IS LIKE OWNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS

Before you start a family you need to sit down with your significant other and plan your "business". This is one situation where you need two presidents, not a president and a vice president. If you can sit down before you start your family and decide what both your goals and strategies are before you get started, it will be a whole lot easier on everyone. The biggest mistake you can make is to wait until a situation is at hand, and both parents are not in agreement. A child can spot that immediately, and play one parent against the other. (it worked really well for my kids) Have some ground rules in place before you have to start disciplining your children, and then if something comes up that you hadn't planned on, have a meeting and decide what you want to do TOGETHER as a TEAM. Your children must understand that you make all of your decisions together, and that they cannot go back and forth until they get the answer that they want. I will give you an example on why you need teamwork. My husband asked my son to take out the garbage. He answered "In a minute, wait until I die!" He was playing a video game and didn't want to lose what he had been doing for the past hour. My husband tells him that he wants him to do it NOW, and when my son keeps on playing, my husband loses his patience and tells him he is grounded. When my son replies that he is almost done, he is then grounded for one week, then two weeks, and then it becomes a month! You must never discipline your child in anger or frustration, because then your rules become unfair and meaningless. When you have a situation like this, step back and think about what you want to do before you speak. Of course, I was not about to have my son be grounded for a week because of that, so both of us are in a compromised situation. This forms a very weak link in our parenting, and so it goes on and on. Take it from me, even if you have to hold off on the punishment, it is worth it. Go in a room when you are cooled off, and talk together about what is a fair punishment. On the other hand, my husband would say the same thing to my daughter. He would ask her to take out the garbage. She would reply "OK!" and then never do it. My son would be grounded even though he eventually took out the garbage, and my daughter would never take out the garbage, and have no punishment because she responded positively . If you want your family to be successful and happy, please be a team player. I can tell the difference even in my own brother's and sister's families. The ones who parent together have happy, respectful children. They feel secure in knowing that their parents work as a team, and not against each other. Believe me, it really does work!

GOD AND FAITH

Another mistake I did not make was leaving God and Faith out of my parental teachings. Every child needs some kind of spiritual guidance while they are growing up. Many parents today think that they don't want to "force" their religious beliefs on their children, and that they can make up their own minds when they are adults. That is such a mistake that many people make and I will tell you why. We are all here because of a higher power. I believe it is God. Whatever or whoever you believe put you here, pass it on to your children. Give them something to hold onto as they grow up. We all need hope, even when we are little. Children need to know that they have to be held accountable for their actions, and if they do something immoral or wrong, that there are consequences to what they are doing. They also need to know that they are loved unconditionally by Someone and no matter what mistakes they make, they are no less loved. I took my children to be baptized, for their First Holy Communion, and for their Confirmation. I am not sure that they were ready at age seven to understand the complete meaning of receiving The Holy Sacrament, or were ready to confirm their religion at age fourteen. But what I am sure of is that I gave them a structured religion that I believe in, and that they can branch out from there and find their own way. There were times when I was in church with my kids when they were young and they were so bad that I wanted to pull my hair out.  I am sure my mother and father felt the same way when they took all ten children to church with them. It is so much easier to take the easy way out and stay home, but if my parents hadn't instilled their religious beliefs in me when I was young, I am not sure what kind of a person I would be today. My religion has taught me to love God and to have faith and hope when it looks like all is lost. I am not saying that all of my siblings have the same beliefs that I have, but at least my parents gave us the opportunity to explore a religion when we were young. It gave me a sense of belonging, and it still does to this day. If you don't have your own religion, take your kids to different churches and explore the religions with them. When your child becomes a teenager, it is tougher than ever for them. If they had some kind of a spiritual connection, they would have something to fall back on when they felt lost. Not giving them anything is a big mistake.