DON'T TAKE YOUR KIDS SHOPPING

When my first son was born I couldn't wait to take him to the mall. Like every new mother, I thought that he was the cutest baby in the world and that everyone felt the same way I did. I enjoyed dressing him up and showing him off. That is all fine and dandy when they are in a stroller and can't walk. Once the walking stage starts, no child is happy sitting in their stroller in the store unless they are munching on something sweet, or drinking a bottle. Even then, they tire of that quickly. What they want to do is run as fast as they can while you try and catch them as they weave in and out of people and racks of clothes. They want to hear the fear and frustration in your voice when you realize there is no way you are going to catch them without a fight. So, my next piece of advice is after your kids can walk, don't take them shopping. If you are going solely for the purpose of taking them shopping for something for them,then go ahead. Otherwise, find a family member or friend to watch them at home. Number one, you will finish your shopping two hours earlier than if you took them with you, and number two, you won't feel like you need a stiff drink and two Tylenol when you get home. When my oldest son John was two or three, I would take him grocery shopping with me. By the time I would get to the register and started emptying my shopping cart, I would find things in there that I had never selected. Even from the front seat of the cart, John would manage to throw in cereal, cookies, chips, ex lax, light bulbs, you name it, into my cart when I wasn't looking. I would honestly have thought it was someone else's cart that I had inadvertently picked up, except for the fact that John was in the cart! Then I had to unload the cart onto the counter, all while holding both of his hands before he threw in all the gum and candy which they put right at eye level for kids. ( I always wondered why they did that) I wonder how many kids have pocketed gum and candy while their parents weren't looking. There were times that I should have had four extra hands when I took John to the store with me. He even leaned over from the shopping cart one time and started hitting the keys on the register! Another time I took him into McDonald's to order hamburgers to go. While standing in a long lunchtime line, there was a dark skinned man behind me. I was holding John and trying to distract him, because he couldn't stay still for too long. He turned around and started staring at the man behind us. I was sweating bullets. I knew he was going to say something, but I didn't know what. He looked right at the man and said, "Why are you an Indian?"  That wasnt' as bad as I thought he would've said, but I still couldn't wait to get the heck out of there. I had my daughter Trish with me another time at the same grocery store, (I was probably there every day), and she was less active than John, so I left him home and took her. Once again, I was standing in the dreaded line when an extremely homely woman got in line behind us. She had whiskers that would have tickled your face if she got too close, and Trish was really eye balling her. The woman smiled at Trish and said hello to her and asked her what her name was. Before I could casually pull the cart away from the woman, Trish decided to answer her. All she said was, "You ugly!" All I could do was pretend like I didn't hear what she said, put my bags in the cart, and leave in a hurry! There are children who are fun to take shopping, and that was my son Jack. He was a real comedian, and always tried to make people laugh. He was afraid of getting lost, so he never left my side. If you are fortunate to have a child like him, then go ahead and take them. Then there was Jillian. I tried taking her shopping a few times, and I spent more time looking for her through all the hanging clothes, than I did shopping. I even tried the dreaded kid's leash, (well, at least it was pink) but had so many nasty looks that I couldn't bare to use it very often. So, poor Jill never saw the inside of a grocery store or mall after that until she was five. I was recently in a grocery store by myself, when I saw a very attractive young mother with her three small children. One was in the cart, and the two older ones were walking. The kids were loud, but the mother was even louder because she kept yelling at them. She past me and turned into the next aisle and I was thinking how grateful I was that it was her and not me shopping with three kids. Then I heard her say, "If you don't stop touching everything I am going to cut your fingers off!" So, save yourself the aggravation and the embarrassment, DON'T TAKE YOUR KIDS SHOPPING!